Thinking About You

Dearest Sonne --

Not a day passes where we do not think about you and how much you brought to our lives.  This was especially true on Christmas.  Oh how we longed to experience your first Christmas with you.  We yearned to see your eyes light up with wonder at the twinkling lights on the tree.

And yet, despite how much we missed you, we felt such peace and joy at having known you and at having had you in our lives, even for such a short time.

You are the angel watching over us, shining your light upon us.

You are forever with us and for that we are grateful.

On Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) we went sailing on Sleeper (that's the boat your daddy races on).  Morgen spent the bulk of the trip nursing and sleeping.  I imagine you would have done the same which would have posed quite the challenge for me seeing as nursing you both in tandem was tricky enough on dry land.  Of course, daddy and I would have figured something out.  One thing is for certain, both daddy and I felt you with us that day.  Oh how you would have loved sailing!

Tomorrow your daddy and I are going down to the South Coast Botani Garden where we held your memorial.  We are having a memorial bench installed at the garden and tomorrow we will tour the grounds to find the perfect location.

Always know how much we love you and how much joy you brought and still bring to our lives.

xoxo...Mommy.

The Holidays

Dearest Sonne --

The holidays are upon us.

Thanksgiving just passed and, while it was a lovely holiday, it was always very difficult.  Daddy and I have been missing you more and more each day it seems.  And now Christmas is right around the corner.  

We are trying to stay positive.  We are trying to enjoy your sister and how much she's changing.  We are trying.

We put up the Christmas Tree over the weekend.  I managed to drop one of the pink bootie ornaments.  Your father started to cry.  I did to, but I also had to pick up the glass since Cole was laying where it broke and was surrounded by little shards.  We cried a lot that afternoon.  We were given a sun ornament for you.  Daddy hung it on the tree in the perfect place.  We see it every day.

Morgen seems to really like the lights on the tree.

She's changing so much.  It's amazing to watch.  We keep wondering what you would be doing now had you survived your surgery. 

It's tough.

I feel really disconnect from people these days.  Not the family, but from friends.  It feels like people don't know what to say or do around me, so people are just avoiding me.  That's makes me sad.

Wow...my iTunes just started playing "Good Day Sunshine."  I don't know how that happened as my phone was updating and I wasn't playing any music.  How that song used to bring us such joy as we would sing "Morgen Sonne" instead of the actual lyrics.

Your Aunt Kristine wrote a book for your sister.  It's called "Good Day Sunshine" and it's about you.  It's a lovely book.

Oh how we miss you so.

xoxo...Mommy.