Saying Goodbye

My darling Sonne...


A year ago today I learned I was pregnant.  Your daddy knew in his heart it was twins.  In fact, when we learned that was the case on November 17th he looked at me and said, "I told you so."  He so very much wanted twin girls and we received the two very best twin girls you could imagine.


Over the weekend we went out on Curlew to say goodbye to you.  We were surrounded by family and friends and it was good.  It was also really sad.  Before we left I said to your daddy, "I think I should stay here.  I don't want to do this.  I don't want her to be gone."  Of course, that wasn't actually an option.  I would not have stayed behind on shore.


Everyone who came loved you very much.  Those who spoke did so from the heart.  I think I was moved the most by your daddy and your Aunt Jenna.  


Daddy talked about our family traditions of returning the ashes of loved ones to the sea or earth.  In fact, you are being buried both at sea and back at Opa's Hill.  We will have two very special places where we can always be with you.  Of course, since you are a part of me, you are always with me.


Aunt Jenna spoke about being sad for us and how awful the situation truly is, but she also said how glad she was to know that you knew only love in your 109 days.  And despite how sad we are, she talked about choosing happiness.  It is so hard some mornings to do that, but we try every day.  


We are trying to move on and at the same time remember everything about you.  Oh how I love your smile and if I try sometimes, I can still imagine holding you in my arms or you nursing and looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes.  You were always so alert and engaged with the world.  You were always smiling.  You were and will always be loved by us.


We miss you, baby girl.


All my love...Mommy