My dearest Sonne --
Time keeps passing. In five weeks we will be celebrating the birth of you and Morgen. It's hard to believe that a year ago I would lay in bed at night and feel you moving inside of me. You were always the active one. Morgen would just hang out and crush my bladder, but you kept moving and tickling me from the inside. You made sure I knew you were there just itching to come out and make your mark on the world.
And that you did. You made your mark on the world and on my soul.
You are a part of me. And while I ache still because you are gone, if I believe you to be a part of me, which I do, then you live on. You will never truly be gone.
And if you believe the idea that we are all one, which I strive to believe, then you are all around me. You are in Morgen. You are in your daddy. Your Nana and Papa, your Oma and Opa, your Aunts and Uncles and cousins. If we are all one, then you live on in each of them and in all those who knew you and even in all those who are strangers. And by loving each of them and myself, I can still shower you with all the love in my heart.
If we are all one, then we are always together and we will never truly be apart.
And yet I ache to hold you. Especially at night.
The other night Morgen curled up on me in bed, her head resting comfortably against my chest. Just like you used to do, especially in the hospital. And I cried and I whispered to her stories about you and about how much we love you both.
I long to see the two of you growing together. I can only imagine how you would be at just shy of 11 months old. I can only dream of how much you and Morgen would be impacting one another. Would you be talking to each other all the time? Would you be chasing each other around the house? Would you be sleeping cuddled up together in the crib? Would you....?
The questions are endless.
I have The Mutzy Twins picture on my desk. As exhausted as I was when I took that picture, it is one of my favorites. You two in a moment of glory. You were such a little beauty.
I love you Sonne. My little little. My love. My sunshine.
xoxo...Mommy.
